Random Rant

I actually don't need to write a blog post this week for my creative writing class but I find writing this blog very therapeutic and I kind of have some things to get off my chest. Ok. Where do I start? Today was the last day of school before Christmas and it was a nice day. There were lots of hugs, gifts, laughter and all that good stuff. And I participated. I laughed and acted happy, like I always do. I acted happy until I was walking home alone and I started crying and I felt really unhappy. And my biggest issue was that I was crying and I was unhappy but I couldn't really pinpoint what made me unhappy. I mean I feel like I should be happy. I have a million reasons to be happy. I have a full tuition scholarship to college next year. I woke up this morning, feeling healthy. I have food to eat and clothes on my back. I live in the United States of America, the land of opportunity , a place where people in certain countries would kill to live in. I have a family that loves me. I have awesome friends. But I'm not happy. And I don't freakin know why. And I feel guilty for being so unhappy.  I'm not sure if other teenagers have felt this way before and I don't know why I feel this way. I thought it was maybe stress and I did some of the things that were from my post on how to deal with stress but it didn't work. Taking a long walk and listening to music just made me more unhappy. I have this song by Beyonce that I was listening to that for some reason depressed the hell out of me. It's called "Me, Myself and I" and I listened to only a small part of it before I moved on to the next one but it got me really thinking that maybe Beyonce was right when she wrote that song. She says, "Me, Myself and I is all I got in the end.." I mean if you really stop to thinking about it, people are always going to let you down. Always. And you'll be left hurt. (No one let me down recently. This is not why I'm writing this. It's not why I'm unhappy. I'm literally just ranting right now.) At the  end of the day, the only person who's always there for you is yourself. Anyway, what is the point of this post? Well, one thing is to not assume things without truly knowing them. I mean, I act happy. I'm always smiling and when you see me with my friends we're always laughing and cracking jokes and doing happy people ish but in reality I'm not. And I hope I can find the source of my unhappiness and do something about it so I can be genuinely happy. I've been happy before and it's a beautiful feeling that I'd love to have again. No one likes a sad, mopey teenager. On a lighter note, i feel much better now than I felt when I started this post. I think I'm going to buy a journal and just write down my thoughts because I think it really helps. This blog ain't no diary. Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone. ❤❤